Toll booths

I had a great idea form in my head whilst I was passed out beneath some bushes. TOLLBOOTHS! I can put a few tollbooths around town. The first one will go on the overpass leading to HSU! This will ensure a steady stream of beer money for us homeless.We shall also arm ourselves with dogs trained to take down people who refuse to pay the toll and if the people get bit its their fault not ours because they violated the terms of our Tollbooth policy which clearly will state that "if you try to avoid paying the toll your safety cannot be assured".

How much will we homeless charge? With a student ID the fee will be $10. Without a student ID it will be $5. This will help insure equality and honesty from tollbooth patrons.

What if someone is a student and refuses to show student ID? The terms of use in regards to tollbooths will be a mandatory search of backpacks, purses, pockets, shos. and even body cavities if we feel you are hiding your student ID or any money that rightfully belongs to us. Also as per terms of our policy, any edible food, drugs (legal or illegal), pawnable jewelry or other such merchandise will be confiscated and become the property of Humboldt Tollbridge Co.

I'll tell you about implementation later, its a warm day and there's nothing I love to do more on a warm day than ride the AMRT's busses all day long and oogle the young women in their shorts.

Dickie boy controversy

Recently it has come to my attention that people think I'm dickie boy! I am not him, I am a homeless man and this blog is the opinions, thoughts, artistic expressions of homeless men in Humboldt county. Yes Dickie boy lives in nebraska, and he is NOT coming back. I know this because I've sacrificed enough chickens, dogs, cats, and small children using the traditions of santeria. I am told by a fellow homeless man who happens to be from orlando florida that those Santerian rituals NEVER fail.

In response to the 6 foot anonymous. I will say that we homeless people do not go after anyone larger than us. We go after small, weak women...yiou know, the ones with slouched shoulders, constantly looking around, looking like she's lost, the fear just dripping off her. So you amazons with your guns are perfectly safe from us, we much rather prefer the 5 ft bone thin freshman at HSU who decides to walk into town.

In response to Fred's comment on Eric Kirk's blog.

Fred said...
"I frequently meet my dinner in person, and so do the other homeless people
I hang around. Heck, whaddya think happened to that toothless hilaire snot? He
was good eatin. A bit gristly but hey ya gotta take whattya can catch and those
little high school girls are pretty dang slippery."

I may be wrong, but I don't
think this is Plazoid. I think we have a troll here. I've gotten this weird
stuff on my blog, too.
6:22 PM

Fred, it indeed is me. As I've said before, we at the Plazoid are a richly diverse group of homeless people who have banded together to fight for the rights of the homeless. Now whilst it may seem strange to you as of late that the posts have been a bit off center you must remember that every winter we get a new influx of homeless men and boys. Sadly few homeless women or girls because they quickly find out about our belief that if they belong to our "tribe" every tribe member can do what they choose with them.

I digress. Point is that it indeed is still I in charge of the Plazoid blogsite and plan on being more vocal in the future as to ensure rights to the homeless.The Arcata homeless community took a huge hit in the last election due to losing Meserve and acquiring Stillman and Wheetley, both of whom expect the homeless to get jobs, dwellings, soap, and other so called modern neccesities.

To this we give a loud and resounding "NO!".

It is the duty of every working stiff to ensure that the homeless remain fat and happy. I also remind the working stiffs to please leave your doors and windows unlocked when you aren't home and please please please keep your daughters hot tub parties in clear view of all dumpsters and alleys.

Trust fund hotties

Thank god for all the little trust fund hotties out yesterday shopping. The panhandeling techniques were perfect, we stood in front of doorways, followed them to their cars, spat at them, yelled profanities, and yes even followed a few to their car or a few blocks on their way home.

We made enough to buy an entire 12 pack of beer and we hung out near the overpass getting drunk. Hard to believe it wasn't even noon yet. After our "lunch break" we continued panhandeling but this time being more confident and assertive. For example, one fellow beer soaked nomad walked right up behind some tiny little college freshman and demanded change. as she turned around to see his grotesque face and his horrid breath less than 6 inches from her. He said she started to cry as she nervously fumbled through her purse.
She gave him a dollar and as we gathered around her car another fellow nomad said, "That all you got?". At that point the tears started to flow and she shoved a $10 bill into my friends hand and begged us not to hurt her and that it was all the money she had. We walked off laughing as the little lady got in her car and as we stood on the corner we could see her sobbing hysterically through her car window. Maybe next time she'll be more compliant and try not to hold out on doing her civic duty to help the poor.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful as we had a young homeless kid doing look out for us and whilst we did nearly have a couple of close calls we had no trouble from the fuzz. That night we had enough money to buy the holy grail of booze (two bottles of Jack Daniels). Some of us are sleeping and some of us are still awake thanks to a booze and meth cocktail that simply must be passed down to other homeless nomads.

Thanksgiving

As I and a select few huddle in the bushes for warmth we think about all the things we're thankul for.

One thing we're thankful for is our dedicated team of drunks pretending to be scientists and discovering better ways of panhandling.

We are thankful for small, young women that can be easily intimidated and throw money at us in hopes we don't drag her into some back alley.

We are thankful we are immune to social customs such as not oogling young girls and not standing in front of businesses doorways, despite the differing opinion of the police.

We are thankful for Dave Meserve having been our puppet in the govt for many years and thus ensuring taxpayer paid freebies.

We are thankful that we have his and his families work schedules figured out so we can go loot his house now that he can no longer ensure us freebies.

We are thankful that the local politicians pander to us and are attempting to set up a bedroom community in Humboldt so that more homeless, drug addicts, criminals on the run, and other misfits and malcontents can come and apply for taxpayer paid handouts.

We are thankful that so few can afford a home and thus they squander away little by little all the money they have giving it to us, besides having a roof over your head is overrated.

I am thankful for the umbrella I found in the trash because I have been able to turn it into a hat.

I am thankful for the various fountains around town in which to bathe, but gee I wish those parents would keep their children away from the park if their going to get all pissed off and call the cops.

I am thankful for the pets us homeless have but I wish my dog would understand I have needs.

I am grateful for the anti-business climate that keeps jobs from being created thus I've one more excuse as to why I can't work and besides money is overrated.

I am thankful for knowing all the paths by which hot, young, trust fund baby girls walk to campus by and in their excitement to get away from me throw money at me without checking to see if its $1 or $10.

I am thankful that in the homeless community I am free to be a dirty old man and masturbate in back alleys.

I am thankful for being able to poop and piss anywhere I choose, and if some business owner doesn't like feces spread on their storefront windows....TOO BAD! It's called self-expression.

I am thankful for my cheap booze and the soon to be filled with turkey remains dumpsters all over town.

I am thankful that most people have grown either apathetic to my plight or feel such sympathy, pity, or compasion for me and give me free stuff.

I am thankful that the person who shouted "get a job" at me yesterday almost got hit by the bus.

we like dumpsters

we know their ugly, heavy, and smelly but they can provide the typical bum with shelter, food, and other nearly modern conveniences. Their also perfect for when bums in love need a little privacy.