Thanksgiving

As I and a select few huddle in the bushes for warmth we think about all the things we're thankul for.

One thing we're thankful for is our dedicated team of drunks pretending to be scientists and discovering better ways of panhandling.

We are thankful for small, young women that can be easily intimidated and throw money at us in hopes we don't drag her into some back alley.

We are thankful we are immune to social customs such as not oogling young girls and not standing in front of businesses doorways, despite the differing opinion of the police.

We are thankful for Dave Meserve having been our puppet in the govt for many years and thus ensuring taxpayer paid freebies.

We are thankful that we have his and his families work schedules figured out so we can go loot his house now that he can no longer ensure us freebies.

We are thankful that the local politicians pander to us and are attempting to set up a bedroom community in Humboldt so that more homeless, drug addicts, criminals on the run, and other misfits and malcontents can come and apply for taxpayer paid handouts.

We are thankful that so few can afford a home and thus they squander away little by little all the money they have giving it to us, besides having a roof over your head is overrated.

I am thankful for the umbrella I found in the trash because I have been able to turn it into a hat.

I am thankful for the various fountains around town in which to bathe, but gee I wish those parents would keep their children away from the park if their going to get all pissed off and call the cops.

I am thankful for the pets us homeless have but I wish my dog would understand I have needs.

I am grateful for the anti-business climate that keeps jobs from being created thus I've one more excuse as to why I can't work and besides money is overrated.

I am thankful for knowing all the paths by which hot, young, trust fund baby girls walk to campus by and in their excitement to get away from me throw money at me without checking to see if its $1 or $10.

I am thankful that in the homeless community I am free to be a dirty old man and masturbate in back alleys.

I am thankful for being able to poop and piss anywhere I choose, and if some business owner doesn't like feces spread on their storefront windows....TOO BAD! It's called self-expression.

I am thankful for my cheap booze and the soon to be filled with turkey remains dumpsters all over town.

I am thankful that most people have grown either apathetic to my plight or feel such sympathy, pity, or compasion for me and give me free stuff.

I am thankful that the person who shouted "get a job" at me yesterday almost got hit by the bus.